Author of the memoir, "Where Did My Life Go?"

Author of the memoir, "Where Did My Life Go?"
My FREE short story Memoir Available Worldwide on Amazon and iBooks (Click the Picture Above)

Saturday, December 29, 2012

Sad Old Year, Happy New Year

I fell asleep in front of the Hyatt next to the Cow Key bridge around 7:30 p.m. and woke up around 3 in the morning to find or rather, not find my bike because somebody took it. I have a lock but didn't lock it because I wasn't planning on falling asleep. I just wanted to lay down for a minute. I am getting so sick of losing my bike because some dirty ass piece of shit thief took it. How low can you go to steal a bike from a homeless person who is sleeping. To me, that is down right pathetic. Now I have a job (not for long) and I am at least motherfuckin' tryin' and some scum fuckin' ball is gonna come along and STEAL my bike. Well, at least they didn't take my drumsticks or my Key West Citizen shoulder bag that has everything I own which is not much but a couple shirts, a sweater and jacket. I still have my word(s) and balls but I'm just about out of patience with these motherfuckin' THIEVES!!! GOD help the worthless piece of shit if I find him ( I say him because I believe the chances of it being a her are very slim) on my bike. I don't believe in violence. It has never solved anything and to me, only escalates problems. About a week ago, I was working my corner, trying to sell newspapers. I walk up and down North Roosevelt and depending on how much traffic there is, I walk quite a ways from my bike and shoulder bag, maybe 200 feet or so. This one particular day, a week ago. I walked back to my corner, to NOT find my bike and bag. I thought one of my (Too Many) "street" friends were playing a joke on me. I walked across the street and asked my co-worker if he had seen anything and he said he had seen a guy put my bag inside of a red bag and rode off with my bike. So I asked him which way did he go and my co worker pointed towards Bayview Park so I proceeded to WALK to try and find this guy on my bike and low and behold this stupid, lying, piece of shit motherfucker is sitting in front of the Metro PCS with a chick with MY bike parked in front of him. I jumped over the barricade to cross the street to confront this waste of space. And he denied everything!! "No Bro, I didn't take your bike" Then I asked him "Then how in the hell did MY bike get in front of you? Did it fly over here? Then I saw the red bag and it was open and it had my World War 2 shirt inside his bag without the stripes showing and I told him "Look, I can describe what that shirt has on it without even seeing it to prove to you that that shirt is mine. It is a long sleeve shirt with Sargent stripes on it" I pulled it out of his bag and sure as shit there were the stripes I described. And the chick was shocked and believed in what I was saying. All the while the thief was denying everything. Then I asked him where my Citizen bag was and he kept saying "I didn't take your bag bro" Liars, cheaters and stealers go hand in hand. I explained to him that that bag is my livelihood and part of my job. Just tell me where my bag is and I won't call the cops. He STILL wouldn't tell me!!!! Whooping his ass just would of got me in trouble and then again I don't believe violence solves anything. I practice what I preach. I'm the nicest guy in the world unless you piss me off then I become the Incredible Hulk (the kids at Stanley Switlik called me that back in the 4th grade) the meanest son of a bitch you never want to meet. I have a furious, ferocious temper!! I don't fight, I fight until the death!!! O.K.... I walked around the corner of the building and found my bag empty with all the shit I had in it, discarded all over the ground. So I got all my shit back and filed a police report. I mean, I'm not a cop caller but I didn't want this piece of dirt to steal from somebody else. I mean if he had balls enough to take my bag and bike in broad daylight while I was working the corner, who knows how many other people he might steal from. So I figured at least I could give a description of the garbage and maybe they'll get him in the system and off the streets and take his ass back to wherever he came from. The "newbies" don't understand, we do things differently here in the Keys. O.K.......I was reading People magazine in the library today trying not to burst into tears while reading about the tragedy in Newtown, Conn and seeing the pictures and short stories of the innocent children ages 6 and 7 who were killed. They had a chance to realize their wildest dreams and then this mentally ill person with a gun (not a good mixture) had to ruin it for all of them. My thoughts and prayers go out to the families. I've kinda experienced the flip side, if you will, my father was shot and killed with a gun when I was just 6 months old. So I personally don't like guns. R.I.P. John Lennon and Marvin Gaye as well.(Both shot and killed by guns) I think they should ban assault automatic weapons, you don't need them and it takes all the fun and challenge from hunting. Leave them for the military. As far as protection, they have a deputy in uniform everyday at the Key West public library, why not at ALL the schools? And if you cry or even think about the COST. A childs' life is PRICELESS!!!!




O.K. that's my 2 cents for today.

Remember YOLO, make your life count for something, make a difference for the better of mankind before you leave this world behind.



SEE YOU NEXT YEAR!!!!!!!! HAVE A HAPPY ONE!!! AND FOR CHRIST SAKE, DON'T DRINK AND DRIVE!!! You might spill your drink!

Thursday, December 27, 2012

Where Art Thou Murphy

Back again? Don't you have anything better to do??? Just kidding, of course. If you know me, you know I kid. Well, I got a memo this morning on my stack of newspapers to sell (yes, I DID get the memo) that instructed me to see my boss, Dave @ the Key West Citizen after 10 a.m. So I go there after having sold 3 newspapers and he informed me that the Citizen can't pay me 5.00 dollars (bonus pay) a day for selling 1 or 2 papers, turning in .50 cents. Which I totally understand that they are losing money and I'm not even good at math and even I can figure that one out. So he gave me another week and if I can't sell 25 or more papers I have to ship out. He told me every time he drove by me, he saw me sitting down. I told him it was a coincidence and that I walk up and down with blank stares and people scrambling for their phone instead of .50 cents to buy a paper. My counterpart kiddie corner to me (not kidding) sells twice as much as I do. I don't know what else to do. So I wrote a song. Want to hear it? O.K. Here it goes.

WHERE ART THOU MURPHY

OH WHERE
OH WHERE
DID MY MURPHY GO

I KNOW HE WENT TO JAIL
BUT HE HASN'T COME HOME

THEY LOCKED HIM UP
FOR DOING THE
UNKNOWN

OH WHERE
OH WHERE
DID MY MURPHY GO

I FEEL ALL ALONE
WITHOUT MY MURPHY SHOW
WHAT DO I DO
WITHOUT
THE ONLY FRIEND
I KNOW

GONNA LOSE MY JOB
IN A WEEK OR SO

OH WHERE
OH WHERE
IS MY MURPHY SHOW

I wrote that titty bit at Bayview Park in Key West today 12/27/12
Thank you very much.
Come back soon, ya' hear!!!

Wednesday, December 26, 2012

BITTERSWEET HOLIDAYS/TAKE THIS JOB FROM ME PLEASE!!!!

Back with another report from the streets of Key West. I hope everyone had a great Christmas. Christmas for me is just another day and bittersweet without my family. I only have one blood relative left in this world, my brother, J. Michael Berry M.D.and he lives in San Francisco. Who I am very proud of and he is about 17 years older than I am and is an oncologist (cancer doctor) who has just been promoted to Professor working at UCSF. He's going to be teaching a class in Thailand sometime next year. He has always fully supported me in all my crazy ass dreams. The holidays are bittersweet like I say because of the loss of my family but are kinda cool to see families together enjoying themselves here in Key West paradise. Watching the kids having fun with excitement of Christmas presents as I did when I was a kid. But still it just reminds me that I don't have family, not that I ever forget but it just kinda rubs the fact in, this time of year. O.K. enough bullshit... In other news to the world, Murphy is still in jail and I tried to visit him and give him a Key West Citizen for Christmas (As I joke, I wanted to wrap it up in Christmas wrapping paper and give it to him) but to my disbelief the operator at the Sheriff's office said that I couldn't visit him nor have a friggin newspaper delivered to him, ON CHRISTMAS DAY !!!! That to me is just a bunch of BULLSHIT!! I could not believe it.... Work-wise, I did pretty good on Christmas getting a couple of 5 dollar tips BUT the days leading up to Christmas were awful!! I only sold 1 maybe 2 papers. That's .50 cents for getting up at 5 o'clock in the morning everyday and working, walking about 5 miles a day back and forth, up and down the same block to try and sell a newspaper for 3 hours. I know, I'm just a bitchy bitchin' bitch....boo-hoo.....but I still look on the bright side because I see a light at the end of the tunnel. I heard through the coconut telegraph that my former seasonal employers at Liberty Tax were looking for me and were wondering where I was at. So I popped in to see when they wanted me to start again and found out that I will become the Statue Of Liberty once again on or after Jan.4th. I'll be sure to keep you posted. Like you really give a shit, huh?....Other observations other than not being able to make money selling newspapers is that Key West is having an Asian Invasion, we must have half of Japan in town. Not that that is a bad thing but I am a little scared because as I have always said to myself, the Asians can make the cars but they sure as hell can't drive the motherfuckers!!! ....If you love traffic, road construction, one way streets, bad drivers, horn blowers, chainsaw loud scooters come on down here to Key West, the weather is great!!!!.....Well, since I was bored off my ass and frustrated (THANK GOD FOR MY MP3 player/Radio) Guess what I did? Yes, you're absolutely right!!!! I wrote yet another poem about not selling newspapers and traffic jams.... BTW my "No Snow Christmas" poem didn't save the world or win the poetry contest in the Weekly free paper down here in the Keys BUT they did print it!! And I thank them for that. Thanks for the smiles on the street, it keeps me going. That and my life saving music.






BLANK STARES

CRAZY LOOKS

WORKING THE STREETS

LIKE A LONELY HOOKER

OUT OF LUCK



EMPTY POCKETS

NOT ENOUGH TO EAT

THE LORD

MY ONLY

SAVING GRACE



AS THE FANCY CARS

DRIVE BY

HONKING HORNS

TRYING TO GET

NOWHERE FAST



IN A HURRY

TO GET TO PARADISE

THEY DON'T EVEN REALIZE

THAT THEY ARE

ALREADY THERE



ONLY 2 MORE MILES TO GO

TO REACH

THE END OF THE ROAD

TURN BACK

AND DO IT AGAIN



SPINNING WHEELS

MOVING SLOW

IN THE FAST LANE

I WISH

MY MEMORY

WOULD SLIP AWAY





I hope you like it, if not, tough shit and deal with it or fugitaboutit.



PEACE, LOVE AND ALL THAT OTHER GOOD STUFF!!! ;)

BONUS - A Christmas email my brother sent me :

Hi Kevin!!




Merry Christmas!



Sorry I haven't been in touch. My life is pretty crazy, but I am very grateful fro all the blessings and opportunities. Professionally we are way overwhelmed and down staff, so the burden falls on Naomi and me to keep up with everyone. The good news for 2013 is that we are moving across the street to a new and larger dedicated clinic space and then hopefully bring on 2 more MDs to help. Ultimately it's up to me to set some limits, which I am not very good at doing. But one of the benefits is that I am going to Thailand In January to teach a course, which I am pretty excited about. As you can see below I was promoted to Professor and I am very pleased. There are just too many deadlines and projects to try and get done. But all in all I am happy and although I work long hours I m able to take some time off to travel and Leo is great about helping me to set those limits.



We finally bought a house last year in Dublin, CA, which is 35 miles east of San Francisco, but very accessible by BART. I try not to drive and my commute on BART is very relaxing and takes 45 min and then a quick 15 minute ride to the office. Although I am up at 3 Am every morning and out the door by 5:30-5:45. We have spent the last year remodeling and have only just begun to enjoy the house because it was finished in the last month. Leo is great and a wonderful husband. He has had some back issues and has been out on disability since September and has shoulder surgery scheduled in February, so probably won't be back to work until May or June. My health is doing well, although I am way overdue for seeing the doctor myself. One of my goals for 2013.



Would love to hear more about how you are doing and what's happening in your life. I am just not a Facebook kind of guy unfortunately. I spent way too much time on the computer at work and don't want the intrusion or invasion of privacy. Leo logs in intermittently and gives me updates. I miss having the chance to chat with you. I respect the fact that you have chosen a different path and that is your passion. As someone who strongly believes in following your heart and your passion I am extremely proud of you. I continue to hope and pray for your happiness and safety and to get a break now and then. I love you and miss you very much, my dear brother. I hope the New Year brings you what you want in all areas of your life. Drop me a line when you get a chance.



Love,

Michael



J. Michael Berry, MD

Clinical Professor of MedicineDivision of Hematology OncologyAssociate Director HPV-Related Clinical StudiesUniversity of California San FranciscoBox 16991600 Divisadero Street Room A740San Francisco, CA 94115

Wednesday, December 19, 2012

NEWS FLASH - THE STAR OF THE "MURPHY SHOW" IN JAIL!!!

This just in in the newsroom. There are confirmed reports that the star of the YouTube T.V. show "Murphy Show", Murphy, has been jailed :O (He's not a has been, he's a GD wanna BE!!) Charged with 1 UNKNOWN count of 999999. (If it's unknown then how do "they" know he did it? duuuuuhhh, gee Wally, I don't know) You can visit Murphy in jail kinda, sorta, not really, if you click **THIS**
I guess poor widdle Murphys won't be home for Christ, ha ha ho ho, mas!!...O.K. let me digress while the culprit sits in jail, I HOPE HE ROTS IN THERE, HOW COULD HE DO SUCH A THING AS AN UNKNOWN 9999999999. I told him before I left for work this morning to stay OUT of trouble!!! But did that boy listen? NOOOOOOO!! He never does. Well, let's look on the bright side, at least he'll get a FULL hose down with soap when he gets into jail town and come out smelling purdy with lostsa money.

Mary, (I won't be home for) Christmas!!! I've got to visit Murphy in jail now!!! DAMN!! That boy!!

                                                                


P.S.
2 more days until the END OF THE WORLD!!!! I'm SOOOOO SCARED !!! BTW, What TIME is the EOTW starting? I sure as hell don't want to be late, I wouldn't miss that show for the WORLD!!!!

Until we never meet again,
your pathetic, poetic drummer that can't sell a newspaper to save his life!!! Oh no, don't cry, the way I look at it, I only gots 2 more days of work. This thing better happen or I'm gonna piss on Murphy!!!

Tuesday, December 11, 2012

Christmas Special Poem - "No Snow Christmas"

Hello to all of you who I don't know, at least I don't think I know but who knows? I just wrote a new poem, Imagine that (John Lennon Tribute) and yes, that is why I call myself the poetic drummer because I write poems and I play the drums ;) Any who, I just wrote it in front of the Key West library and submitted it to the Weekly newspaper here in the fabulous Florida Keys because they are having a Christmas poem contest and 1st place wins a 8 gigabyte, yes you heard right, an 8 gigabyte iPod nano and for the love of music I need it and this newspaper hooker, I mean hawker job is NOT paying the bills, not that I have any anyway but if I did, I surely would be homeless!!! Oh wait a minute, I almost forgot, I am homeless. O.K. enough with da bullshit, lets get on to duh business at hand with a poem I wrote with my right hand. Sorry that was stupid but it was the first thing that came to mind and I'm almost out of time at the library which did I mention I wrote in front of the library in 5 minutes!! I mean, it won't save the impending end of the world but I do hope you'll get to read it before December 21st. Sad to think that this just might be, (sniff, sniff) MY LAST POEM!!!! Merry Christmas and Happy World Ending. See you on the other side--------------->-------------------------->-----------------------;)


NO SNOW CHRISTMAS




ALTHOUGH I KNOW

WE WON'T HAVE SNOW

THIS CHRISTMAS EVE

I STILL BELIEVE

THAT SANTA WILL BRING

A GIFT FOR ME

UNDERNEATH

THE PALM TREE

AS I SLEEP

ON THE BEACH

WITH VISIONS AND DREAMS

OF

WORLD PEACE

Saturday, December 1, 2012

The debut of duh "Murphy Show" on YouTube channel MurphyShow

Yes that is right. I have my homeless buddy up and running on the World Wide Web. He has his own YouTube channel called MurphyShow. I've just uploaded a few videos for you to check out. My favorite one..so far, is the one I entitled, "Byte Me". We had a lot of fun. I just wanted to point out, just in case you thought differently, that I am NOT making fun of Murphy, I am having fun with Murphy. I hope you enjoy the videos and there are sure to be more in the future. As long as I don't lose my mp3 player/camera.
See you in YouTube land. And remember kids, have fun and don't hurt no one.
                     The "star" of duh Murphy Show - MURPHY