Becoming and being Homeless
Assumptions, Allegations, Assholes and Opinions
When I was fifteen I had decided that I was going to become a rock star drummer just like my idols had became. I learned how to play drums by listening and watching them. I have never taken a drum lesson in my life but I could play. So I thought, I have this wonderful gift and I love playing, why not do it for a living? All the bands I loved and heard about were rich, had girls falling all over them and they seemed like they were having a good time. Why wouldn't I want to do what they did? Little did I know at a young tender naive age.
I was hell bent on making my dream happen. Whatever it took. That's all I wanted to do. I remember saying to myself and other people, "I am going to be a rock star or become homeless". One of the two was going to happen. I wanted ALL or nothing, and NOTHING was going to stand in my way!!
I remember saying, "I am going to be a rock star and if I do become homeless, I would just try to rob a bank then I would either get away with the money or get busted, locked up in jail/prison then I wouldn't be homeless anymore with 3 hots and a cot". But now that I am actually homeless, I would never rob a bank, I like my freedom too much.
A lot of people ask me why and /or how I became homeless or make assumptions on different reasons. As far as I have reflected on the past and analyzed the situation that I am in, there are many different factors and circumstances that have put me in a place without a home. To start, I was not raised in a wealthy family, born without the so called " silver spoon". (Please note that I am not trying to make excuses just trying to retrace the steps/bad decisions that I have made or circumstances that changed my direction through no fault of my own.) I should of had a back up plan in case my dream fell apart. But through my stubborn determination I did not. I joined and played in a few bands, some more successful than others but nonetheless none of them proved to be profitable enough to make a living. Some of the regular jobs to pay the rent and put food on the table while I pursued my dream were really good and I enjoyed but they either eliminated my position or just went plain out of business. Some of them, I am sure I would still be there if those situations didn't happen but they did, beyond my control. One big factor for being residentially challenged is the fact that I am terrible with money. I can't save money to save my life. I've always had this crazy philosophy that, I would hate to die with a million dollars in the bank without the chance to spend and enjoy the money. Not that I have had even close to that amount of money in the bank.
But that has always been my thinking, as crazy as it may be, it is the truth.
My brother has been very supportive in the pursuit of my dreams. He has gotten me out of more troubled times than I can count. He has helped me out in more ways than anybody else in my life. The sheer fact that I was even able to go to California was because he lived there and I was able to stay with him until I was able to support myself. A lot of the things that happened or opportunities that were presented to me would of never happen if it wasn't for him. I thank The Lord for putting my sole brother into my life everyday.
Some people have an opinion on the homeless. Some have been homeless, I would say most have not. It's not something most people dream about becoming. Little Johnny doesn't say, " I wanna be homeless when I grow up" and I would concur with my own previous statement, if I can. I didn't choose to be homeless, it's something that happens, be it through bad decisions, wrong turns or circumstances out of ones' control. I don't really believe in luck. Maybe because all I seem to have or get is bad luck. I believe everybody has the power to create their own destiny, at least to a certain extent. The decisions you make today will shape what happens to you tomorrow and into the future.
Wanting to be a rock star or actually, wanting to make a living at playing drums is what I set out to do. I feel fortunate enough that I found my "calling" if you will. Some people go through life not knowing what they really want to do in life and then they just settle for something less fulfilling to pay the rent and put food on the table. They have a roof over their head and I don't, so who is the fool? They probably look at me on the street and feel sorry for me or think I'm a lazy bum that won't get a "job". I can't assume what people think, I personally can't stand assumptions. I think you know what it does to you and me but yet people still do it, yes even me. But I guess that is how society works. It loves to judge or guess at what the unknown truth might be, I guess the unknown is scarier than the truth, at least it seems that way to me. Remember, these words are only my opinion. Believe what you want to believe. I can't tell you what it's like to live in mansion in Beverly Hills but I've been to Beverly Hills. Only looking on the outside by the side of the road, of course. One of my personal assumptions of people who live in a mansion in Beverly Hills is that they are snooty, stuck up and on themselves and/or just plain don't give a fuck about anyone else. But then I guess I would have to assume that since I live in a cardboard box on the side of the street means that I am sensitive to other people's needs, open to lend a helping hand when needed and care about everybody in the world (except for those "snooty" motherfuckers living in Beverly Hills) and that assumption would be right! (Kind of kidding)
If there was not some truth to stereotypes and assumptions, there wouldn't be any stereotypes or assumptions. I'm gonna catch hell for the next few words but I am speaking from my observations and thoughts, just because I am not afraid of the truth or the consequences, I have nothing left to lose. Sue me if you don't like what I am about to write, I have NO MONEY!! Good luck with your attorney, the bill is in the mail, bet your ass. Anyway, do African-Americans love chicken? Do Asians love rice? Do the Irish love to drink?
If you answered YES to the above questions, you would be correct! Congratulations!! Now before you get your panties in a bunch, not ALL African-Americans love chicken, Not EVERY Asian loves rice, nor does EVERY Irish person love to drink. But through MY personal experience, I have NEVER met a African-American who DOESN'T love chicken and watermelon for that matter or an Asian who DOESN'T love rice or an Irish person who DOESN'T love to drink. I'm sure they are out there but they have yet to cross my path. Just sayin, to make a point somewhere here.
My point being, I think, is......not ALL bums,vagrants,(whatever you want to call them) homeless people are worth less. I call SOME of them animals, personally. I've "lived" with some of them in a shelter, hence my basis on my opinion. Some of "them there homeless" dare I call them "people" are worth less pieces of shit, in my opinion, call me an asshole, I don't give a F. I give A's, I'm nice like that, as long as you do your homework, on time!! Let me digress, and digest before I get away from the point I was trying to make.
I know people at the local animal, uh, homeless shelter that get a monthly crazy or crippled check. They jumped through the hoops and qualified somehow. Good for them. Let's say for argument sake, they get a $1,000 dollars a month. If they paid $500 dollars in rent for an apartment, they would only have $500 dollars for the rest of the whole month to drink and/or eat. I'm not good at math, probably why I am always broke and homeless. But why pay $500 dollars in rent when you can live somewhere, i.e.. homeless shelter, for free?
Of course, there are "perks" to living independently with a roof over your head with your own private bathroom, living room and bedroom. Go to sleep when you want with your own blanket and pillow without harassment from the cops for sleeping in the public park, stay dry on a rainy day, watch what YOU want to watch on T.V., take a shit when you want without searching for a bathroom on the street for customers only when you have no money to buy something to become a customer. But if you don't need all those "amenities", then WHY would anybody in their bad at math right mind pay $500 dollars a month for rent? Because that's what you're SUPPOSED to do, as society dictates.
My personal perspective, knowing what I know and what I've been through, rent to ME, is a waste of money. I rather buy a house than give some landlord $500 a month just to give me a kick in the ass after I stop paying rent and making the landlord wealthy. Equity baby. Even though I am "homeless", believe it or not, I know how to buy a house with no money down!! Yep, that's right but it's sounds a whole hell of lot easier than it is to do. But this isn't a Carlton Sheets course (I learned from him BTW after I got evicted from my apartment in San Francisco after my employer eliminated my job to save money, but that's another chapter) Where was I? Oh yeah, explaining how nice being homeless is, uh, no, uh, what the hell was I trying to explain? It will have to wait until tomorrow, I am writing this on my iPad in Bayview park and it's getting ready to close. I need to go to my "secret sleeping spot" before the cops come to take me away (ha ha he he) cos I'm homeless and don't have a home to go to. Sweet dreams. Remember, NO TRESPASSING!! Or do what the good Book says and forgive those who trespass against you.
Part 2, 2 days later...
Well, I escaped the cops once again, Lord I hope I just didn't jinx myself but with my luck, I probably just did. Oh we'll, life goes on. Back to me defending or explaining homelessness. People don't understand the unknown. If they did then it wouldn't be unknown, I think? But what the hell do I know? Other than I am and continue to be homeless. It's really not a big deal to me. I have a great spot to sleep with a awning over my head to keep me out of the rain and the cops have yet to catch me trespassing while catching some zzzzzzz's. Are you still awake? Just checking. O.K. then, I'm not a materialistic person. If I won a million dollars I wouldn't know what to buy. I'm sure if given a couple of days to think about it, I would come up with something I want. But I am content without a tent with my iPad and writing words that don't make any sense. Other than my declining health, terrible teeth, I have 3 and a half left, asthma which I can't afford my prescribed inhaler, it cost about 70 dollars, but I did fill out an application to get it paid for. It sucks when you can't breathe and yes, I am a dumb ass, I still smoke a pack a cigarettes a day. In my defense, how stupid it sounds but I have to come up with some kind of excuse, I've been smoking since I was 12 years old and didn't get asthma until I was about 32, 20 years in the making and to the people who have or still smoke, they know how hard it is to quit smoking. Easier said than done. It's harder than buying a house with no money down.
It's O.K. to dream but I hear other homeless people say,"Man, look at that nice car, I wish I had that". I think to myself, "Man, you can't even buy a wish sandwich and you're not doing shit to even come close to getting that car let alone a friggin' sandwich!" I may be calling the kettle black but as least I think I try. I have an iPad in which I got the steal of the century that I paid a million pennies for. (Is that 100 dollars? If not, I told you I wasn't good at math!) And no it wasn't stolen and I didn't steal it! I had the shittiest country song ever written with my words recorded to music which you can buy on iTunes, Amazon and 750 other online music retailers, if you want to waste 99 cents on the piece of shit. The song is called "Alcohol Call" by the fictitious band name I made up called, Fall Down Daddy. I'm trying to write a book about my past experiences in life because my life was and still is so frigging interesting. Bottom line, I am trying with what little I do have. All I need in life is love, beer, cigarettes, music, asthma inhaler, my iPad, transportation and to fix my teeth and my driver's license and some food. That's it!! I always say, "Life is simple, people make it difficult"
It's hard to keep my train of thought when I go off on these tangents. I don't know where to end from where I began. Reading my scatter brain words must be a pain in the ass. On that note, what in the fuck was I talking about?
Oh yeah, I'm trying to defend or make sense of the disease you can't cure called homelessness or for you politically correct assholes, residentially challenged. Since I am tired of typing and my battery is about to run out and the McDonald's floor mopper is looking at me funny because I been at McDonald's too long and probably wondering, "How in the hell does this homeless looking motherfucker have an iPad and what the fuck is he typing"? I need to go. Plus, I can't solve homelessness or even explain it to you. You have your own allegations and assumptions. You can think what you want. You can call me an asshole but I still have my own opinion.
Until then, enjoy your independence, thank GOD we live in the greatest nation on the universe and practice freedom of speech, even if it doesn't make sense.
Happy 4th of July...See you on the beach
Sent from my iPad
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