12 Steps on How To Get Trespassed From A 7 Mile Bridge

I am back in my hometown of Marathon, Florida. Been back for about 2 weeks or so. Taking a break from the insanity of Key West. Last time I came back from Marathon to Key West to stay at K.O.T.S. I hadn't stayed there for about a month. Michelle, one of the check-in girls manning the entrance into K.O.T.S. asked me where I had been and I told her on vacation. That's a question they ask everybody checking in at the old home away from home hacienda. Some people have been in jail or slept out a few nights and K.O.T.S. actually writes down the reason for not being there for a period of time into their record books. I was only joking when I said I was on vacation but Michelle proceeded to mark down in the book that I was on vacation without a question or a laugh. I should of told her I was on a camping trip....So let's get into the intriguing title of this post as I am sure you are dying to know just how in the hell do you get trespassed from a bridge that is 7 miles long. Well I'll tell ya, it's really pretty easy........... Step 1: You check the forecast of the nights' weather to see if it will be raining throughout or at some point under the moon and darkness........ Step 2: You go boo hoo, after you find out that there will be a very good chance of rain at some point into the night...... Step 3: You think about a place you can sleep that has some kind of shelter so you do not get woken up by raindrops at 2 a.m. It's not fun, I've done it before..... Step 4: You think of a bridge which usually provides enough shelter to keep you dry. About 2 lanes of highway wide...... Step 3: You decide on going to the closest bridge to hide because you are walking and you don't have a bike yet....... Step 5: Sorry I forgot Step 5 and added a Step 3. I never said this was going to be easy. On to Step 6, shall we? I fucked up Step 5 so let's just move on..... Step 6: You arrive at the Stay Dry, Sleep Tight, Outta Sight Campground. Without reservations or a check-in, you find a dry spot underneath the bridge where those drops of rain won't get you...... Step 7: You pull out your red fleece blanky. Lie down and rest your head on whatever bags you may have to use as a pillow. Back packs usually work great...... Step 8: You should have some kind of alcohol and music to keep you company and forget about your worries and to help you go to sleep...... Step 9: You fall asleep or pass out depending upon how much alcohol you have consumed....... Step 10: You wake up by yourself (hopefully) and just as the sunrise begins to rise, you rise with the sun. Unless it's raining and you can't see the sun. Then skip Step 10 except for the part where you wake up. You have to at least wake up before you can move on to Step 11....... Step 11: You collect all your belongings, drink any open left over beer you didn't finish last night. Find a garbage can and throw the damn can into the garbage can. I know, it sounds elementary my dear Watson, but you'd be surprised at how many idiots can't throw their beer cans away with a trash can 2 feet away. Unbelievable!!...... Step 12: Sit on the steps and smoke your first morning cigarette (my personal favorite one). Watch a Monroe County deputy walk toward you underneath the bridge and ask you if you have been here all night? and you reply,without a lie, "Why, yes, officer, I was here all night". He proceeds to ask for your I.D. and runs your name, while asking if you have any outstanding warrants and you reply. "No, sir, I don't" Again, do not lie. The radio will tell the officer if you have a warrant or not. That's why the kind police officer takes your I.D. and has the dispatcher "run" your name to see if in fact, you DO have a warrant. Don't be a stupid fuck and act like you can fool the computer system, it's usually smarter than your dumb ass. Then you notice that the officer who is questioning you has the same last name as one of your fellow graduating class mates from Marathon High. You ask him if he has a brother named Danny? And he says, yes I do. Then you tell the officer that you graduated with him at Marathon High school in 1987. The officer responds with, "Yeah, he's my older brother living up in Georgia." The officer then asks, "Why are you homeless?" Then you reply with, "I tried to be a rock star and it didn't work out." The officer laughs and then tells you that you can't be under the 7 mile bridge anymore and if you come back, you will be arrested and that you have been warned and are officially trespassed from the seven mile bridge....... Bonus Step: After the officer says you are free to go. You get up and start stepping as fast as you can. In a different direction. While still steppin', start contemplating where you will sleep if it rains again and know for sure that you won't be sleeping under that same 7 mile bridge as the night before.......... Tune in next month when I show you, step by step,inch by inch, How To Buy AND Sell A 7 Mile Bridge. Thank you Lord for the blessings you have bestowed upon me...... Happy Thanks for giving. Count your blessings.....I gave blood yesterday. It's a great feeling to know my universal type O positive blood just might save a life and the 10 dollar gift card from Publix didn't hurt either. But the needle did a little. (I hate needles but I love helping people) Nothing three 4 packs of beer can't cure. Remember, somebody loves you, I don't know who? But I do know, somebody does!!....I wrote this little ditty this morning:....If the door is locked....Don't bother to knock...Pick up your socks...Cause this place...Is about to ROCK!!!!!....... ROCK ON!!!